Christmas Morning Chaos

If you’re contemplating leaving something out for Santa and his reindeer on Christmas Eve, I’m posting this up as a warning… “Dont give booze to Rudolph!”

Christmas Morning Chaos

The night had gone well, it was true,
And Santa sat down, with a “phew!”
Then he shouted “my deers!
Let’s crack open some beers,
He really did NOT think that through.

Cos Santa had not heard the news,
That reindeer CANNOT take their booze,
And soon, plucky Cupid,
Was no longer lucid,
And went for a cry in the loos.

Next, Donner and Blitzen went rogue,
Hot-twerking to Kylie Minogue,
And Dasher drank rum,
Which burnt his poor tum,
Then threw up on Santa’s new brogues.

Then Dancer and Prancer were bitchin’,
And Comet passed out in the kitchen,
Naughty Rudolph, uh-oh,
Was sent out in the snow,
For making lewd gestures to Vixen.

As the party crashed on until six,
And they conga’d like crazed lunatics,
Santa rued his mistake,
Should have just brought a cake!
Because reindeer and booze do not mix!

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Dark December

It’s the time of year where everything is supposed to be bright and shiny… but it’s dark, we’re tired, there’s too much going on, and sometimes it just gets a bit much…

Dark December

This is the time of year,
When the ice slides in and cracks my veneer,
And the drear of the grey sodden skies leads my eyes,
To where sanctuary lies…
In the dark.

This is the time of year,
When the howling nights punch a path to my fear,
And the mere thought of company speeds my retreat,
Craving solitude sweet…
In the dark.

This is the time of year,
Which has made its name out of merciless cheer,
And the sheer expectations that blare in my mind,
Cause my thoughts to unwind…
In the dark.

This is the time of year,
When I long for the clamour to just disappear,
But the tears crowd my eyes as the chaos crowds me,
It will not let me be, not even…
in the dark.

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Photo by Eric Gilkes on Unsplash

Bobbing Mummy

Is anyone else more than a little bit broken from PICKING SHIT UP?!

Bobbing Mummy

If you knock something from the shelf,
No need to pick it up yourself!
Just leave it there upon the floor –
Whatever else is Mummy for?
Bobbing bobbing bobbing Mummy,
Bobbing bobbing Mummy.

What joy, a new construction set,
With bits that are the smallest yet!
Mummy’s here! It doesn’t matter!
Open box, prepare to scatter!
Bobbing bobbing bobbing Mummy,
Bobbing bobbing Mummy.

Got a wrapper in your hand?
Don’t worry! Drop it where you stand!
Perhaps your paper missed the privy?
Don’t despair! You have a skivvy!
Bobbing bobbing bobbing Mummy,
Bobbing bobbing Mummy.

Mummy has an education,
Wild ideas above her station,
Visions of equality,
I know right? That’s insanity!
She’s bobbing bobbing bobbing Mummy,
Bobbing bobbing Mummy.

 

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